what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.