drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.