I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations