i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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