come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
