Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
