It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
