did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
