I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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