that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
