The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
