I want to have your abortion
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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