Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
