She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
