a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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