I just made out with a guy for $7.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize