idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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