she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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