I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
