I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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