I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
