I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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