Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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