So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
