I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
