he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
