he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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