sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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