I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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