You just made me feel so damn special
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Randomize
