it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Do vagina's smell?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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