I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
