i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
