we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
