I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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