I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
