did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
