I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
