you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
