ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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