having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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