quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
