I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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