so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
