at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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