dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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