I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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