Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
