you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
