I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
