I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
