Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
