naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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