Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
