just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
