I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
