if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
