Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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