for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
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We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
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You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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