I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
