Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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