the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
