Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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