I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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