She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize