I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
areolas are like halos for boobs.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
the night ended with taco bell and tears
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
