just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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