Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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