I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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