i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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