so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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