Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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