you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
