So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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