what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Someone signed my nipple.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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