I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
